The little things

Who would have thought that smallest word could re-inspire me to be a better mommy. Just one simple word brought me to tears and made me realize that what I'm doing, is really working.

My (almost) 3 year old, non-verbal, autistic, high-sensory needs son just said, "momma."

While getting him ready for yet another therapy session, we were practicing his "word sounds" together. We do this every day, every time I change him. He has never been good at this game, but he tries hard.

Making the "mmm" sound is ridiculously challenging for him. Somewhere in his complex little brain, he just can't make it work. I make the "mmm" sound, and ask him to repeat it. This morning, instead of trying to repeat it, he looked right at me and said, "momma."

He has said "out-of-the-blue" things before, so I didn't even blink. But I asked him, "Where's momma?" He pointed right at me and said it again, "momma!" It's bringing me to tears just writing this.

As a mother, no one ever tells you how hard it is. No tells you how even the smallest "reward" can mean soooooooo much. For the last 18 months, we have seen numerous doctors, had hundreds of therapy sessions, and had thousands of challenges. But just hearing him recognize me, hearing him address me.....makes my job so much more rewarding!!!

Now these things apply to my "typically" developing children as well. I can still recall the first time my 5 year old daughter called me momma. That moment will forever be one of my favorite memories. But everything is so much more with my 3 year old son.

It's more work, it's more time outs, it's more consistency, it's more preparedness. But the rewards are sooo much more as well. Having a special needs child can be super challenging. But, the pay-off is just as great.

Now the trick will be him repeating it. Which in all likelihood, won't happen. But that moment is there, the memory will still be just as uplifting and momentous.

The inspiration is lacking....

After today, I'm not sure I have any thing left to write a witty or smart post. Today tested my mothering abilities to the MAX!!!! I hate it when most of the day goes right down the tubes.

So with 4 children, 5 and under, my two middle boys (almost 2 & 3) had yucky tummies, and we cloth diaper. I will NOT elaborate on that any further, I will have nightmares about this day just from that stand point. The baby (a whole 6 weeks old ) was pretty fussy and wanted to nurse every hour. My 5 year old was feeling left out and her asthma was flaring up in a major way. Plus it snowed (it's the end of freakin' February!!!!!!) and I needed to run to Target.

I probably don't need to add much after that description. I can imagine most parents already throwing in the towel. I just about did.

After a quick trip to the doctor with the 2 "yucky-tummy" boys, a Target run, a few nebulizer treatments, some major baby wearing in my trusty Moby, and an amazing MIL......I did manage to pull through, and all the children remain unscathed.

But some major parenting came into play. My children all have completely different needs. Today was a MAJOR play on that. They are all so different anyway, but adding a bad day to that......good heavens. I quickly came to realize that it wasn't about getting or giving them all the same treatment, but making sure they all got what they needed.

Let me go ahead and repeat that......it wasn't about making sure they had the same (insert an option: privileges, discipline, attention....) but making sure they got what they needed. I think that may be one of the most inspirational things I could ever write about.
As a parent my job is not making sure they all get the same thing, but they all get what they need.

(huge wave of relief washes over me)

Now, trying to get my children to understand that......totally different story. And when I figure that out, I will get back to you.

I can't imagine trying to make sure they all got the same thing today. Their needs are all so different. Sure my 5 y.o. moaned and groaned when she had to wait because her sick brothers needed something, or I was yet again nursing the baby. But she didn't have the same needs as her brothers. (hard lesson, I know)

But, at the end of the day, when they are all asleep and I can process and reflect on the day...I think I may have earned a gold star. Not because I made it through, not because the house is still intact, but because I made a HUGE parenting breakthrough. And, trust me, I don't have them very often.

I have a post-it notes problem

This morning I went to write a post-it note and I couldn't find my pad ANYWHERE!!!! It was gone. Poof! It had vanished. It's absence left me feeling a little incomplete and empty. I needed it. I had a note to write.

Those little sticky notes are a huge part of my organizational abilities. I write quick shopping lists on them and stick them to my credit card. I write important information for appointments on them, and stick them on the appropriate day on the calendar. I stick them to the front door so I don't walk out forgetting something.

I felt a little flustered. I had to improvise. I wrote out a little list on a regular sheet of paper. I made do. But, it just wasn't the same. Those little yellow squares are so comforting and safe.

When things (like post-it notes) are part of your routine, you become so used to it, it's almost a dependency. And not in a bad way, like a cigarette addiction, but in a I-know-exactly-how-my-day-is-going-to-go kind of addiction.

I crave routine. I need to wake up each morning and know exactly how to execute my day. That's why I plan, plan, plan EVERYTHING!!!! No last minute shopping trips, no "whoops I forgot.....", no we ran out of              .  I think its part of my mothering success. And I think it makes my children and my husband happy.

If nothing else, it makes me happy.

When you have 6 different doctors and dentist appointments to keep track of, you would appreciate this kind of dedication to a day planner. (Or post-it notes!) Add on some preschool, some playdates, a trip to the library, post office, and bank......well you can see the absolute need for precision timing.

My second child, has some pretty intense sensory needs. With some mild Autism, feeding/swallowing issues, and allergies thrown in for fun. (See, the need for post-it notes just became greater.) My need for organization stems from birth, but having his needs to consider, it has become like a cigarette.

I spent all day having post-it note withdrawls. I had to restrain myself from running to Costco and stocking up. But do you know what? I made it through the entire day with out missing, forgetting, or misplacing something. I guess I don't need post-it notes, but they are sure helpful. And the nice yellow color does brighten my day.

****I did find the post-it notes....the ENTIRE pad made it through a sanitize cycle in the dishwasher, which I unfailing run every single night at midnight.

Some days all I need is Merlot.....

For some reason, deep within the reasonably organized parts of my brain, I put all the important things on one day. True, it makes sense for many reasons. It's less gas and mileage on the car. It's one day of running the kidlets around. It makes the rest of the week pretty easy. But, good heavens I'm tired.

I never though being a mommy would take so much out of me!!! I used to work 4 jobs and go to college full time. (And somehow I fit in a social life with that as well.) And I could still manage to look and smell good on a daily basis. How is it that taking care of 4 additional warm bodies would take sooooooooo much energy?!?!?!? and organization, and dedication, and re-organization, and motivation, and.........

Back in the "single" days I think I was able to work 4 jobs and go to school full time because the worry and wonder wasn't there. I worry about my munchkins, I wonder about them. Are they going to do well in school? Are they terrorizing the cats? Are they clean? Are they getting enough vitamin D? Are they dismantling my kitchen appliances?

Worry takes a lot of energy. And trust me, I try REALLY hard to only worry about the important things. Although my DD (5 going on 15) thinks my worries need to include Barbie collecting. I know, in the deep recesses of my organizational brain, that this energy could be used much more effectively. Like creating some new inspirational device so I can fund a full time housekeeper.

I think I worry a lot less than an average mom. I attribute that to my deep love of laziness and wine. There is nothing better than sitting down after a massive day full of appointments with a nice glass of merlot. I may consider folding yet another pile of laundry, but my self preservation tactics kick in. My sanity will be more intact for tomorrow if I just sit here and enjoy a full glass of merlot.

***breaks for a moment to refill glass***

Maybe I worry less because I feel that I have a pretty good grasp on what's really important. I don't really worry about the laundry getting wrinkled. After all, I am completely capable of ironing. But, more importantly, I don't really care if the preschool teacher thinks I'm a horrible mother because my kid wears a wrinkly shirt. I'm pretty sure my children will not need therapy as adults because their mother sent them out into the world in slightly wrinkled attire. (If the clothing is really wrinkly, I do pop it in the dryer for a minute.)

I try to prioritize my worries. I try to make my list of worries reasonably short. Guess what, the laundry doesn't even make the list.

I'd rather focus on the wonder.....

Starting a journey.....or maybe just a short walk

Well, I got the thing (by that I mean blog) up....now lets see if I can get it running. Maybe running is too strong a word, does brisk walk work?

I started this mostly for my own personal need to talk. Not about myself, but about my children, my family life, my addiction to childrens' gear, the projects and crafts I like (and don't have time for), probably my husband, and occasionally my cats. I hope to provide tips, advice, cute little ancedotes, some heart warming stories, and a few rants and raves.

Let's start at the beginning. I have 4 children, my oldest is 5. Yeah, do the math, 4 babies in 5 years!!! Can I just say that our life is busy. Really, really busy. My DH and I try hard to be excellent parents, but we will settle for pretty good.

More than likely I will "blog" during naptime, it's the only time I can complete a coherant thought in less than 3 minutes. But, if nothing else, I can share with other parents some of the unique things that make our busy family work in this busy day and age :)

Come join me on my journey!