Well, since I had chicken and rice, it means I'm healthy, right?
My DD was asking me why we don't hang out with some old friends of ours. I had a very hard time giving her a good answer. So I told her the truth.
"We don't play with Dick & Jane anymore because we don't play the same kinds of games they do." My 5 year old seemed to think this was the perfect answer. Her response was pretty typical. "Yeah, I like playing ponies more than baby dolls anyway."
As parents, we choose to hang out with other parents who have similar parenting styles as our own. It helps us be/become better parents. It helps us stay consistent (the single most valuable piece of parenting you can ever have!) and it gives us an outlet to compare to.
Let me explain the situation so you understand better.
Our children have limited television exposure. My DD doesn't know who Hannah Montana or Miley Cyrus or who ever else is popular right now. Simply because those shows and the people who represent them offer nothing of value to my family. What ever television my children do watch, reflects what we as parents value. Right now, it's education and development. Entertainment is so highly over-rated. No 5 year old will suffer because they had no exposure to Sponge Bob. Plus they have their entire life to be entertained.
I honestly think those particular shows are mindless and ridiculous. And that's not to say that hundreds of children find them hilarious, because they do. I would just prefer my children to find better outlets for entertainment and humor.
And the other side of that coin is, we prefer our children not to watch much television at all. Their "job" as children is to play. If they are too busy watching ANY kind of television, they are not learning the play skills they need to be successful adults.
So we quit hanging out with "Dick & Jane" because they watched television ALL THE TIME!!!! It was on all day long. And it wasn't even child appropriate television. I do not want my children repeating ANYTHING they hear on Jerry Springer, or whatever day time drama show happens to be on.
I sort of questioned the parents of "Dick & Jane." I stumbled around the point for a bit with, "Wow!! your kids are sure into these programs" and "my goodness, does he always recite all the commercials?" But my point wasn't really that clear.
And I'm not a "confronting" kind of person. It's not my job to tell others how to parent. Especially when they aren't asking for tips and advice. So rather than saying, "You guys are lazy parents who are stealing your children's childhood away from them by dumping them in front of ignorant programs all day instead of playing with them or reading to them and we really don't want that kind of influence on our kids or ourselves." We just canceled a few play dates and had "other" things to do when they wanted to visit.
Don't get me wrong, my children DO watch television. But they are 2, 3, and 5. They watch programming geared at their age groups for limited periods of time. Like Sesame Street. We watch a show or two, not one or two hours a day.
They have more important things to do than watch TV. They have towers to build, cars to race, books to read, pages to color, dollies to feed, concoctions to make, stories to tell, toys to hide, games to learn and play, things to dig up, bikes to ride, pictures to paint, play doh to mold, cookies to bake, forts to create, ......
you get my drift.
Now this isn't just about TV. It's about surrounding yourself and your family with those who are on the same page as yourself. The whole "if you surround yourself with positive people, you're a positive person. If you surround yourself with negative people, you become negative" theory.
We try to hang out with people who have strong, healthy marriages. People who feel that discipline is important when raising children. People who make healthy lifestyle choices.
And I'll tell you why I think this is important. When we were hanging out with "Dick & Jane" and their parents, I found my children were watching lots of television. I found myself saying, "Oh, it's fine, they're only kids once...." and other excuses. Rather than playing with my kids, I let the television do it for me. And I felt BAD!!!!! My poor kids deserve better memories of their childhood than sitting in front of the TV. And I let others influence that goal.
I'm not a weak person. I didn't actively make those choices, but since I was surrounding myself with people who didn't really care, I discovered it was affecting me just by default. And I love my children way to much to let that happen.
So, you are what you eat. You are what you watch. And you "are" who you hang out with to certain degrees.
It is harder work to allow your children to not sit in front of the TV. Good for you. And it is hard work to make sure your family is not around bad influences. Good for you.
ReplyDeleteI think we all agree that too much TV is not good for kids, there is no controversy on that!! I wouldn't (personally) however break occasional play dates b/c of a difference in TV watching. I might just host the play date myself or bring over games, if I valued that particular family's friendship. As for a difference in parenting, I have found with Evan as he gets older, it's a great opportunity for us to talk about choices and consequences and reflect together. If he hadn't found "the wrong" friends now and then, I don't think we would have had some very powerful conversations that have made a difference in his views as he is becoming "grown up". Even married friends of ours who don't necessarily have the "healthiest" relationships give me and hubby a chance to reflect and be thankful. I like to think that an occasional "date" with other couples (with or without problems in their marriage) couldn't rock the solidity of our marriage. I try to protect my children and my marriage, but not beyond the reality of the outside world b/c I think there is some value in seeing it. Definitely agreed though, Jerry Spring has no place in a home with young children!!....and there is no such thing as too much one-on-one time with them =)
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel Marie and I admire your choices. I have to say I have a lot less friends and not much of a social life for similar reasons. One gets tired of the drama, the consistent unhealthy choices, the inability to enjoy life and appreciate the gift that it is.
ReplyDeleteIt's not just about differences over parenting, it's wanting you and your kids surrounded by the most positive influences while you can still control it.
Balance is the way to go. I agree with Heidi - and to be honest, a lot of us wouldn't associate with most of our relatives because they have different values from ours. I have seen families who have retricted their children from activities and relationships, and as they grew older, they became completely wild - our former pastor said that if children have no temptations growing up, they don't know how to handle them when they are older. Your kids are still young, but Mallory knows very well what cartoons Mommy allows her to watch! Since we get up so early, she does also. Then gets to "rest" with a cartoon and some fruit! Since my URL isn't accepted on your blog, I am still Great Grandma VI
ReplyDeleteIt is very difficult to raise well adjusted, moral and productive children that have self respect and respect for others. Anything that you can do as a parent to make that a reality can sometimes be seen as too overly protective, or some other something by others. And many decisions we make as good parents are difficult. It is much easier to do what everyone else is doing or what others think is better. But you and your DH are the ones that live with these little lives everyday and you are the ones that will answer to God for the things you did or did not do that helped them along the way. Surrounding yourselves with positive role models, positive and supportive friends and helpers, is not only wise and protective, by it is also your decision as a couple and those supportive people you surround yourselves with will understand and respect that choice.
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