Boys will be Boys

I have 3 amazing, sweet, loving, adorable little boys. I have 1 amazing, sweet, loving, adorable little girl. There is definitely an unfair advantage in our home.

But I wouldn't have it any other way. I love my special "girl time" with my daughter. We love shopping together, getting pedicures, and just having time without her brothers.

And I love my little boys. They are still young, so we don't go out and have adventures much. But building train tracks and playing blocks are sweet wonderful moments. I wouldn't trade a single one of them in for another girl.

In fact, I wouldn't want my family any other way. (Well, except maybe we need a dog.....one day.) But we are a perfect little (okay not so little) family of 6. And yes, the girls are outnumbered by the boys, but hey that's the way it works!

The point? I was having a nice little chat with a mommy at therapy the other day. We were waiting with our kiddos for our therapists. We discussed the usual. Why we were there, who our therapist was, and bits of our family life.

She was the mother of 3 little girls. I say, "I have 3 little boys! How funny!" Her response, "Oh, that's too bad you didn't get a girl."

Hmm. Where was this going? "I have a daughter too, she is my oldest. Then it's, boy, boy, and boy!"

"Well, at least you got one girl." Then she stands up and heads into therapy.

Well.

I had no idea that girls were better than boys. I didn't realize that by having a girl I had an advantage. I was slightly dumbfounded that my boys didn't rank the same as my daughter.

And do you know what? (And I'm sure you don't really care) but, this is not the first time I have been in this conversation.

Since my daughter is in preschool, it's usually just me and the boys doing errands. The lady at the post office seemed to feel genuinely sorry for me that I had 3 boys and no girls. (Sometimes I omit the fact that I do have a daughter....just to see how the conversation goes.)

It blows my mind that people actually feel sorry for me. Really sorry. Like girls are all sorts of wonderful and better than boys.

Hmmm.

Let's evaluate.

Girls: toys, diapers, clothing..... Boys: toys, diapers, clothing.....
Don't really see much difference there. Yeah, the colors are different, but what is it exactly that makes girls better?

Sweet and cute little dresses? Nope, total pain in the ass with tights and playground manners, and they are totally impractical 9 months of the year.

Hairbows and ponytails? Nope, they lose them ALL THE TIME!

Pretty pink diapers? Nope, my boys have super adorable diapers too. (And remember we do cloth)

Barbies? Okay, you have me there. I would never tell my boys they can't play with Barbies, but I'm pretty sure I would never purchase one for them. And I love Barbie.

Now if we were to have another baby (and please, God, do NOT give us another baby) I would hope it would be a girl. But, not for myself. But my daughter. I would love for her to have sister bond. I think that would be a special gift. But since she doesn't (and won't) ever have a sister, I don't think she will grow up to be any less of a person. I don't have a sister bond and I think I'm doing okay.

She has 3 cute, crazy, crabby, and creative brothers. She has plenty of sibling love. She is an awesome sister to them. She loves them. She plays with them. She lets them play with her toys (and yes even my beloved Barbie).

So why is it that when I was pregnant with baby #4 (who is a boy!) people would ask, "Is it a girl?" and my response was always, "Nope! Another sweet baby boy!" And they would actually say, "Awe too bad for you." And I actually had a family member say this to me.

So apparently there was some memo I missed about girls being better than boys. Sorry to disappoint, but I'm pretty happy with my 3 boys. If you have an issue with the gender of my children, you should take it up with my DH, he is the reason I have 3 darling boys.

Crime and Punishment

We discipline at our house. Some days, a lot.

There are 4 children 5 and under here, so mischief seems to dump on our days. At times, they can't help it, they're children. Other times, sibling rivalry gets the better of them.

We use time out, or as we call it, "the NAUGHTY spot" and they really hate it. But they (shockingly) sit for the duration of their punishment.  We put toys in "time-out", which can be very effective. We occasionally dole out a spanking. We use re-direction. Sometimes our daughter looses privileges. We praise good behavior (when we remember) and we try to set a good example.

But more importantly, we are consistent. Creative, but consistent.

Discipline is a LOT of work for us as parents. It barely seems worth it.

The other day my 5 y.o DD and 3 y.o. DS were tussling like puppies. (There is no other term for it.) I had tried re-directing, asking them to please choose a different game. But they seemed intent on wrestling around. At some point, my son "developed" a bloody nose when his face came in contact with the kitchen floor. It was a purely accidental accident. It wasn't purposeful or hurtful....but he was hurt.

I was annoyed, and a little frustrated, but I wasn't angry or mad. True, they know better, especially my 5 y.o. DD.  So, for "punishment" I asked her to sit in the naughty spot until his nose stopped bleeding. She sat, and sat, and sat. It was a pretty bad bloody nose. And she was REALLY bored.

But, something happened.

The next time they were tussling and I asked them to find something else to do, I reminded her of what happened the last time. Her response, "I don't want to make him have any blood!" and she immediately found a new game, and her brother was quick to follow suit.

Miracle!!!!!!!

I consider it a major breakthrough in our discipline policies. Gold star for mom!

We also use "time out" for toys. If they are arguing or fighting over ANY toy, I put it in time-out and NO ONE gets to play with it. After the first few times, all I have to say when they start squabbling is, "Does that toy need a time out?" Instant sharing occurs.

Now our system works pretty well for our family. But it works because we are consistent. When I threaten, it isn't really a threat, I mean it. And my kids know that if I say blank, I mean it.

I do this because I love them. If I don't discipline them, the world will, and the world doesn't love them. I would be a pretty terrible parent sending my children out into the world with no concept of limitations or respect for rules.

But mostly I discipline because I enjoy peace and quiet.

You are what you eat....

Well, since I had chicken and rice, it means I'm healthy, right?

My DD was asking me why we don't hang out with some old friends of ours. I had a very hard time giving her a good answer. So I told her the truth.

"We don't play with Dick & Jane anymore because we don't play the same kinds of games they do." My 5 year old seemed to think this was the perfect answer. Her response was pretty typical. "Yeah, I like playing ponies more than baby dolls anyway."

As parents, we choose to hang out with other parents who have similar parenting styles as our own. It helps us be/become better parents. It helps us stay consistent (the single most valuable piece of parenting you can ever have!) and it gives us an outlet to compare to.

Let me explain the situation so you understand better.

Our children have limited television exposure. My DD doesn't know who Hannah Montana or Miley Cyrus or who ever else is popular right now. Simply because those shows and the people who represent them offer nothing of value to my family. What ever television my children do watch, reflects what we as parents value. Right now, it's education and development. Entertainment is so highly over-rated. No 5 year old will suffer because they had no exposure to Sponge Bob. Plus they have their entire life to be entertained.

I honestly think those particular shows are mindless and ridiculous. And that's not to say that hundreds of children find them hilarious, because they do. I would just prefer my children to find better outlets for entertainment and humor.

And the other side of that coin is, we prefer our children not to watch much television at all. Their "job" as children is to play. If they are too busy watching ANY kind of television, they are not learning the play skills they need to be successful adults.

So we quit hanging out with "Dick & Jane" because they watched television ALL THE TIME!!!! It was on all day long. And it wasn't even child appropriate television. I do not want my children repeating ANYTHING they hear on Jerry Springer, or whatever day time drama show happens to be on.

I sort of questioned the parents of "Dick & Jane." I stumbled around the point for a bit with, "Wow!! your kids are sure into these programs" and "my goodness, does he always recite all the commercials?" But my point wasn't really that clear.

And I'm not a "confronting" kind of person. It's not my job to tell others how to parent. Especially when they aren't asking for tips and advice. So rather than saying, "You guys are lazy parents who are stealing your children's childhood away from them by dumping them in front of ignorant programs all day instead of playing with them or reading to them and we really don't want that kind of influence on our kids or ourselves." We just canceled a few play dates and had "other" things to do when they wanted to visit.

Don't get me wrong, my children DO watch television. But they are 2, 3, and 5. They watch programming geared at their age groups for limited periods of time. Like Sesame Street. We watch a show or two, not one or two hours a day.

They have more important things to do than watch TV. They have towers to build, cars to race, books to read, pages to color, dollies to feed, concoctions to make, stories to tell, toys to hide, games to learn and play, things to dig up, bikes to ride, pictures to paint, play doh to mold, cookies to bake, forts to create, ......

you get my drift.

Now this isn't just about TV. It's about surrounding yourself and your family with those who are on the same page as yourself. The whole "if you surround yourself with positive people, you're a positive person. If you surround yourself with negative people, you become negative" theory.

We try to hang out with people who have strong, healthy marriages. People who feel that discipline is important when raising children. People who make healthy lifestyle choices.

And I'll tell you why I think this is important. When we were hanging out with "Dick & Jane" and their parents, I found my children were watching lots of television. I found myself saying, "Oh, it's fine, they're only kids once...." and other excuses. Rather than playing with my kids, I let the television do it for me. And I felt BAD!!!!! My poor kids deserve better memories of their childhood than sitting in front of the TV. And I let others influence that goal.

I'm not a weak person. I didn't actively make those choices, but since I was surrounding myself with people who didn't really care, I discovered it was affecting me just by default. And I love my children way to much to let that happen.

So, you are what you eat. You are what you watch. And you "are" who you hang out with to certain degrees.

I didn't mean to do such a good job

So we took our 5 year old to her elementary school tonight to enroll her for kindergarten in the fall. I was prepared for shyness, crying, some whining, and impatience. I had a whole speech prepared about how wonderful school would be and how much she was going to learn.

Trash that, she did better than I did.

She walked right up to her teacher and introduced herself. She politely asked if she could color and cut. She very nicely waited her turn to play on the computer and then was all kinds of smart on the thing.

She is ready. More than ready.

I'm not a "clingy" mom. I don't wait around after  preschool drop-off for my kids to cry and need me. I don't encourage them to be whiny or clingy or attached. I am matter-of-fact when we get there. I kiss them good-bye and tell them, "I love you, I will be back soon!" And walk out the door.

I really wanted some of that clingy-ness tonight. Instead she pretty much told me to get lost!

I know this is good. I know this means I have done a good job raising her and encouraging her to be independent and self aware. I was really proud when she immediately began interacting with the kindergarten teacher. But, this was one of the few times I wish she needed me a little more!!!!

sigh

I think I deserve a gold star for making sure she has the beginning skills to becoming a reasonable, responsible member of society. I think I earn another star for not crying! And she earns a star for being the stellar little girl I have helped her become.

We will have to re-visit this topic when kindergarten actually starts, but my gut tells me it's going to go very well.