A day in the life of......

bleh.....

My 3 year old, high-sensory, non-verbal Autistic son had a HORRIBLE day today. I would have to say 90% of it was due to "autism" behaviors, 5% due to him being a 3 year old boy, and 5% due to mommy losing her patience.

Let's start at the beginning. He has never slept. Ever. His body doesn't produce enough melatonin for him to have "normal" or regular sleep patterns. He was up at 5:45 am. And not just awake, but screaming-thrashing-hyper-awake.

At 5:45.

His body was so over-stimulated he couldn't handle a bath. He screamed and cried when I washed his hair because he couldn't take the sensation. He picked at his clothes and wiggled so much I had to hold him down to get him dressed. We had to adjust his socks 3 times before he would walk. He wouldn't eat breakfast. He cried when we brushed his teeth.

And we do the same routine every morning. Every single morning. And it was just one of those days he just couldn't do it. He literally looked like some one poured caffeine directly into his blood stream. He was vibrating with energy.

And he didn't want to be that way. He really wanted to watch a cartoon, play with his racetrack, and read a book but he couldn't sit still. He couldn't even stop moving long enough to enjoy any activity. And it made him sad and frustrated. He really wanted to be calm. He just didn't know how to achieve that.

Now this isn't a blog about autism. Although it's a huge part of our lives, every single minute, this is about how I can make it to the end of the day then get up again and do it tomorrow.

I am emotionally done for today. After all the skills, tips, and techniques we have to get him through these rough parts, I sometimes don't have much leftover.

And I feel a little lost.

But....

I can (and will) make it through days like this because I have support. I know that at therapy today, he got lots of stimulation.

I know that I could gripe and vent to several caring others, who will listen, if nothing else. (And sometimes that's all a good mommy needs, a bitch session)

I know that my DH would come home and pick up the slack or at least take over. (And that's after his day at work plus the commute home.)

And I know that if it was a REALLY REALLY REALLY  bad day, I could call a "someone" to come help me or give me a break.

And, in all honesty, we don't have days like this often. We rarely see this kind of behavior because we have done our homework, we do everything to we can to "prevent" this kind of stuff. (Truthfully, I have no idea what set today off) But I know that they happen. And I have built a support system upon people who I can rely and trust to help me weather these rough days.

In reality, they aren't just helping me survive the "bad" days, they are helping my beautiful, smart, funny (but autistic) child who desperately needs structure and routine just to function.

A good support system is hard to build. It's even harder when you need more than the average person is capable of giving. But I wouldn't trade my support network for a gazillion dollars (that's my 5 yo DD favorite number!).

So it was a rough day. But it could have been worse. No one ended up with stitches. I didn't wreck the car. I didn't pull all my hair out.

And right now, he is sleeping peacefully in his bed. He is exhausted after his day today. But I know when I go check on him before I call it a night, I can kiss his cheek and forgive every battle we had today. I know I can start tomorrow fresh and ready to handle anything that comes our way.